In the middle of our deepest sorrows, our greatest pits of despair and our unrelenting anxieties, the last thing we think about is self-care.
When relationships are toxic, when boundaries are unhealthy, when we face conflict, the last thing we think about is self-care.
When others in our lives abuse us, when we go through the cycles of someone else’s storms, when people mistake our kindness and love for weakness, the last thing we think about is self-care.
When our jobs are endless, when the demands are unrelenting and when we are overwhelmed and malnourished emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically, the last thing we think about is self-care.
But self-care is exactly what we should think about and focus on. It is easy when life is good, it is necessary when it isn’t.
We all have stories; each of us are unique and face various trials and tribulations but interwoven into the fabric of our being is purpose. When we have breath in our lungs, we have purpose in our lives. We also have a duty to care for the very essence of who we are. There is no one else in the world who is exactly like you; not a single person that can serve your purpose or fulfill your destiny. You are valued, treasured, cherished and deeply loved. Yet, many of us struggle with seeing our own value.
We have endured hardships that no one should have to. We have struggled with knowing our worth. We have been abused. We have been forgotten by the ones we wished would love us. We have experienced various traumas. We have struggled with self-image. We have faced, fallen and triumphed over mental illness. We keep going; despite how many times we have been knocked down, we focus our energy on getting back up. We invest in others. We give of ourselves tirelessly. We show up and we care. But at what time do we look at ourselves and truly take care of us?
Most have heard the saying, “its not how many times you fall down that counts, its how many times you get back up.” Which is optimistic, and also flawed. The fall hurts. It leaves behind scars and while it can and will be used for good if we allow it to be, the fall still affects us. Getting back up shows our strength, resilience and bravery. It shows courage and allows for vulnerability. Getting back up is the decision to see the positive regardless of the negative; it doesn’t make the fall, or the effects of the fall disappear. We must decide that we are going to take care of ourselves; We must choose self-love and self-care.
Gary Chapman is the author of The 5 Love Languages, a book I highly recommend if you have not read it. He has one for couples, kids, teens… an entire series now, but it all started with that one book. I will include the quiz at the end of this post so you can see what your language(s) is. The premise here is that we all have a dominate language in which we give and receive love. Many of us freely give love to others, but when it comes to ourselves and our own needs, we deny them. When self-care is discussed the answers come in like a flood; “I don’t have time for that… I don’t have the money to go to the spa… I don’t need to do things like that to take care of myself… I have other priorities.” The sad part is that we can only give what we have to give. If we do not have love for ourselves, we will eventually be unable to love others. We can’t pour from an empty cup. Self-care looks different for every person, because every person is unique. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or lengthy, especially when you are starting to weave it into your life. It can take 5 minutes a day.
Read a book, write in a journal, sing your favorite songs, cook or bake something you love, get outside, talk a walk, exercise, drink some water, go get coffee, meet with a friend, get a massage or go to the spa, buy yourself something you have really been wanting (within reason), make a gratitude list, affirm something you like about yourself, talk to someone, see a therapist, invest in yourself.
We can’t continue to wait for others to invest into us. While we should all have healthy relationships that we can count on, the truth is, many people don’t. We have the ability to do something small today, right now, to show love to ourselves. To take care of us, and to find joy within ourselves. We can’t change all that has already happened, but we can utilize your story. We can find the good even in the darkest trenches, we can write a story you will love. You can live a life you enjoy. One day and one step at a time, today that means you do something good for yourself. When you find ways to take care of you, you will find more joy and then, you repeat those things daily. You are the author of your own life story, make it one you are happy to be in.
Take the free quiz below and find out what your language is: