I am fatigued; it appears as though I will be eternally drained of any substantial amount of energy. I feel like a shell of myself; either angry or sad, no true peace exists. It is almost as though there is a part of me looking at this person, the one that exists now, grieving the person that used to be. Waves of emotion hit me and wash over me leaving me debilitated. I yearn for connection but do not have the power to reach out. Others look at me with pity, they believe this is something I can just “snap out of,” if only they knew how draining this was. There are days I wish I didn’t exist at all; days I wish I were dead; it would be easier for everyone. No one would have to feel compelled to check on me, or to see if I am okay; no one would have to feel obligated. But I don’t even have the energy to follow through with that. When I do force myself to go out or socialize, I am immediately overwhelmed. I plaster a fake smile on my face, I mutter “fine” to just about everything, and all I can think about is how awful and broken I feel. I am no longer me, but this is what I have been reduced to. All hope is gone, I ache everywhere; I have no appetite and no desire to even follow through with my basic care and needs. I am drowning in a pool of my emotions and no one can save me.
Depression is one of the most common mental health disorders and effects 17.3 million adults in the U.S, as well as 2.3 million adolescents (www.nimh.nih.gov ). It typically involves depressed mood, appetite disturbance, sleep disturbance, loss of interest in typical activities, low energy, difficulty concentrating and questioning self-worth. Depression is also often linked to suicidal ideation and attempts. Not everyone experiences depression at the same magnitude and there are variations in diagnoses. The important thing to remember is that depression isolates you, and isolation leads to more severe symptoms. It is difficult to fight against it, to find the energy to do the things your brain is telling you and convincing you not to do. But reaching out, connecting, letting someone know you are not okay is the way to help, hope and healing. Everyone experiences sadness or depressed mood; grief and loss can often be at the root of depression. For women factors such as, hormones, recent pregnancy or birth and history of depression all play a key role in getting the type of help you need. Depression has a genetic component and there are several ways to receive help. If you feel that you are struggling with mild to moderate depression reach out to someone who can help. Contact a qualified therapist to give you the tools you need to take back your life. If you are struggling with severe symptoms and have thoughts of suicide with intent to follow through, please go to your nearest emergency room hospital or call 911. Please do not find a permanent solution to a temporary problem. While it may feel as though all hope is lost and there will never be help, you can find relief from your symptoms. There are people who truly care about you and want to help you write a story you will love. It might take some time, but you can get there.
If you feel that you might be struggling with depression, feel free to take the assessment below:
Adults:
https://screening.mentalhealthamerica.net/screening-tools/depression
Adolescents:
https://www.psycom.net/depression-test/
Children:
https://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/childrens-depression-checklist
Always remember, there is hope and there is help. You can write a story you will love.