Anxiety tells us:
We need to be perfect.
((but perfect is an illusion))
Get EVERYTHING done NOW.
Worry about the future.
Worry about death.
Worry about worry.
Try NOT to FOCUS on WORRY!
Worry some more.
You are not good enough...
You will NEVER be good enough :(
Time to go to bed...
A million thoughts... (Dang I forgot I needed to do that, Tomorrow I need to do..., I know that person doesn't like me. How can I make a difference in the world?)
Its 2 am already, now Ill only get 3 hours of sleep.
GO TO SLEEP.
***Heart racing, sweating, sit up, TRY to breath, dizzy, nervous, scared, tell yourself “youre okay,” overwhelmed,”
CANT ESCAPE
(alarm clock goes off)
Time to get up
SO tired
Must stay awake
DON’T drink coffee!!!
FOCUS
why cant you focus?
gosh, you're such a loser!
Why cant you just STOP this?
*person says “You just need to stop worrying so much.”
If only they knew :(
Today I have to (go to work, go to school, take 3 tests, finish 10 papers, repair relationships, SAVE the WORLD)
There is NO WAY I can do all of that.
***stress, anger, emotions, RETREAT, -breathe-, refocus, GO!, thoughts racing, a million ideas, slow down, need rest...
Have some “down time”
feel guilty about down time
Fill down time with SOMETHING
Frustrated that there is NEVER down time
Still have to (shower, read, call.., study.................)
Time for bed
WIDE AWAKE
The IRONY
((repeat))
I didn't always have this struggle. This deafening sound of defeat everywhere I go. Mine began, or had its onset, after a near death car accident. Suddenly I’m catapulted into the reality that death is lurking, time is fleeting, and everything has to get done NOW! The anxiety became part of my daily life. First I modified habits, checked in more with people, became ‘extra’ cautious, vowed to LOVE EVERY MINUTE. It didn't seem bad at FIRST, in fact, this new me seemed to appreciate life more, to understand reality better. But then the panic hit me. Like a ton of bricks, right in the face, at the most awkward time, and I literally thought I was dying. Not everyone thinks they are dying, but being confronted with death can do that to you.
Anxiety LIES to you! It starts out innocent enough and before you know it, it steals your sleep, changes your appetite, decreases your functioning, destroys your thoughts, and KILLS your joy. It is your ENEMY in so many ways. Suddenly you find yourself tired, fatigued, emotional, nervous; you have less desire to do things and you BEGIN to realize there MIGHT be a problem. But then anxiety lies AGAIN. It tells you that nothing will ever change, you will never get better, you're not strong enough, not good enough, and you don’t deserve it. And IF anxiety brings its evil stepsister, depression, then lack of motivation and hopelessness sets in and you begin to BELIEVE the lies. You begin to feel helpless. Your thoughts often overtake you, focusing becomes difficult, and you may begin to experience physical symptoms. Headaches, dizziness, heart racing or skipping beats, chest pain; a sense of overwhelming floods you and in that moment fear overtakes you. Its like being in a tunnel and all you see is a dim light that looks far away, but the blanket of darkness is closing in and it would be so much easier to give into the darkness than fight for the light. FIGHT ANYWAY.
There’s a small glimpse of the you that existed BEFORE the anxiety. It tells you to fight for the light. You have SOME control of your thoughts and you remind yourself that life wasn't ALWAYS this way. BUT its SO hard. A million things are vying for your attention and with all the noise in your head its hard to listen to the voice of reason, that is but a distant faint whisper. Anxiety tells you to worry. It tells you to question everything, including your own life and happiness. Anxiety wants you to work for perfection but reminds you that you will NEVER attain it, and then makes you feel GUILTY for your inabilities. Anxiety wants to fill all of your time, any moment you have; to keep you exhausted so it can keep you captive. Anxiety rules over every part of your life IF we allow it to. It changes us from the depths of our core, until all that remains are the shattered remnants of a person that once was.
A day in the life of anxiety is like a constant whirlwind of emotions; tumultuous, exhausting, maddening; a darkness that encompasses your very being.
A day in the life of anxiety is the constant struggle of hearing a world shouting so loud for you to be NORMAL, and the disillusion that you are everything BUT “normal.”
A day in the life of anxiety is like an ENDLESS cycle, you want so desperately to manage it, yet all anxiety allows you to focus on is your lack of control.
A day in the life of anxiety is exhausting, emotionally draining, and physically demanding. There often appears to be no end in sight, and your distorted thoughts confirm this.
NEVER enough.
NO control.
HAS to be perfect...wont EVER be perfect.
A day in the life of anxiety is one day too many to be lost in the broken pieces of a future masterpiece. Like the beginning of a mosaic, anxiety presents as shards of glass with no vision for a future work of art. But, with clarity, prayer, and professional guidance, you can STILL be a beautiful masterpiece--- we simply have to learn how to arrange the glass, and no longer be wounded by the lies and deception.
A day in the life of anxiety is so common for so many people, and yet we all think we are alone, because once again, anxiety isolates. We can stand united. You are not alone, your struggle is real, and its not SIMPLY WORRY. Anxiety can help you understand yourself better if you let it. One step at a time in the right direction, and it becomes clear that anxiety is often a NATURAL response to trauma or fear. Our fight or flight response might be stuck in hyper-vigilant mode, but there is help. Do not be fooled into believing that you are weak, abnormal, or broken. We ALL have struggles.
A day in the life of anxiety is simply a day that needs to be changed. Change can happen as long as you are ready and willing to fight.
A day in the life of anxiety can be a day of your past that strengthened the future you... The choice is yours to make...
Darkness or Light
Fear or Victory
Broken or Whole
Surrender or FIGHT.