The Holidays are upon us. People everywhere, busy schedules, endless lists of things to do, sugar everywhere and the idea that we all have to be merry and jolly while we hustle and bustle through the season.
Holidays often bring a sense of dreariness for various reasons, and I want to touch on those a bit today. Whether you recently lost a loved one, are missing someone who has been gone for a while, had a recent relationship end, struggle with social anxiety (or any form of anxiety), are battling depression, live with OCPD or you just generally know that the holidays bring out the worst in the people you need to see and spend time with, I want you to know its okay to feel the way you are feeling.
There are so many expectations placed on us this time of year. Getting the perfect gifts (if you celebrate the holidays), meeting up with your mother and your brother and every other undercover… wait, no, that’s a song… but, you get the point. Everyone is demanding something from you, and maybe you barely have the energy to make it through the day, let alone be of good cheer. Our families can also bring up a sense of mixed emotions…Some of us are celebrating without people we love, or we have broken families, complicated family situations, people who do not ever get along… and yet we are set to spend copious amounts of time with them (insert exasperated sigh here).
If you are finding yourself feeling any of these ways this season, I want you to know, first and foremost you are not alone. There is no right way to celebrate the season, or to enjoy the holiday. Some of us are creating new traditions or trying to keep intact old ones even when nothing is the same. Some of us are grieving, the physical or emotional loss of someone we once loved. Some of us are having to remind ourselves to breathe. I want to give you some practical tips on how you can, not only survive, but thrive this season.
1. Make this a season of importance to you. Whatever that looks like. Do things you love, fill your time with things you desire to do (as long as they are healthy) and be okay with others not understanding your need to do these things.
2. Create new traditions. They don’t have to be elaborate or extensive, they can be simple but incredibly life-giving.
3. Set out to do something for someone else daily. Again, it doesn’t need to be big, but doing good for others makes you feel better too. It can be leaving a note, sending a text, writing an encouraging letter, tucking a $5 bill into a book at target, paying for someone in line behind you, or delivering secret gifts… we each have different abilities, but one thing we have in common is our ability to do good.
4. Breathe. SERIOUSLY. Right now, I want you to stop and breathe. I want you to put your hands on your tummy (that’s what should be moving, not your chest!) and inhale for 5, hold it for 6 and exhale for 7… repeat that 3 times and do it as much as you can throughout this season.
5. Remind yourself that you are not responsible for how others feel or what they do or say. Honestly, I know you want to take credit for things, we all do… but the only thing you get to take credit for is what you say and do, how you behave. Kindness is contagious, and while we have all heard the expression that hurt people hurt people, I believe in the positivity of healed people heal people.
6. It doesn’t need to be grand to be great.
7. You have permission to rest. To recharge. To refuel. To do things that fill your cup. Practice 5 minutes of self-care daily. It doesn’t need to cost money… self-care can look like setting and keeping healthy boundaries, reading a book or watching a show, taking a bath, or going for a walk.
8. Take care of yourself mentally (its okay to talk to someone… in fact, its highly recommended and typically yields great results, physically (even if its going for a 5 minute walk), emotionally (know your limits and maintain your boundaries) and spiritually (remind yourself what the season is all about).
9. Make lists (and check them twice). Making lists gets everything out of our heads so we are not as consumed with all the “to-dos.” It allows us to organize things and be practical about how we approach them.
10. Lastly, (because we saved the best for last!) check in with yourself. Are you sleeping enough? Eating well? How are you feeling? Its okay to need someone else and to confide in others, we are all wired for connection, and when we have greater demands placed on us, we need connection even more.
This season does not need to be stressful, daunting or one that you will grimace at when you recall it in the future. You have the ability to change course at any time, regardless of how it may all have started. A very wise person said to me, “don’t write an ending you will hate.” You can create the story you want. This season is truly about light, love, and joy. It’s a season about giving and reminding us that it isn’t about the presents under the tree (or the lack thereof) but the presence around it. Some of us might not even have a tree, and that’s okay too. We do not have to have a lot to make the most of what we have. For those of us who have kids, the best thing we could ever give them is our time. Memories, things they can look back at and remember fondly. I promise they won’t remember that iPad they got, but they will remember baking cookies with mom or dad. The discrepancy in this season lies in the idea that we must get in order to be happy, but that is the lie society sells. You can not buy happiness, but you can create joy.
Remind yourself:
· You are allowed to walk away
· You are allowed to say no
· You are allowed to decline or accept
· You are allowed to create new traditions
· You are allowed to rest and BREATHE
· You are allowed to make this season your own
· You are allowed to feel and struggle
· You are allowed to set and maintain healthy boundaries
· You are allowed to start fresh every day
· You are allowed to do what makes you happy.
This season is about redefining… make it what you want it to be and be okay with others not understanding or doing things differently. If we were all meant to be the same the world would be a very boring place. Its okay to be unique and to do things your own way, and the best part, you do not need to feel guilty for it. If you decorate early, great… if you decorate late, good for you… if you don’t feel like decorating at all, so what. To wrap it up, lets be serious… you can also apply the same to events or being with others… if you get there early, great… if you get there late, good for you (you made it!), and if you decide not to go at all, so what… You need to do what’s right and healthy for you. Period. If you want to survive and thrive this season, you can do it, you just have to believe in yourself enough to try.